Sacred Feminine Blog

Healing from Abuse

Healing from abuse

Abuse comes in many forms. A person can experience abuse as a child or as an adult. Abuse is categorized in many fields as any disempowering relationship – this can be present in an environment, organization, or personal dynamic. The disempowerment can affect you emotionally, financially, mentally, physically and, our topic today, spiritually.

Spiritual Abuse is perpetrated by making someone believe they are at the mercy of or indebted to someone in order to receive love / healing from their “God” and or Deity. This would include the notion that one has no direct connection with spirit, and needs to be a certain way i.e., loving, caring, forgiving in order to be a “good” person. This includes religions with no Deity, a belief system that the whole community believes to be true. An example of this is non-dualism, which fundamentally believes there are no male / female differences and people are all “one”. This abuse disengages people from their individuality, weakening needs and boundaries. For a woman, this can lead to financial instability and sexual obligation, leaving her feeling like she can never stop giving of herself.

How spiritual abuse feels at first is that for the first time you are known and loved, wanted and desired. There is an “other world” feeling of euphoria. This is neurological stimuli and it is addicting. This is why women who are being abused will return to the abuser. In spiritual communities, this feels like the whole world makes sense within the community and does not make sense outside of the community. This is entrapment. If you leave you fear you will no longer be loved.

Spiritual abuse works because there is an ego component. When you are in the group, environment or relationship that is spiritually abusive, you are placed on a pedestal – the community believes it has the “right way” and you are part of it. The ego likes to feel special. But, invariably, being placed on a pedestal will lead to you being knocked off, after which you will work to get uplifted again. Then you will be placed up, knocked off, and you will work to get uplifted again. This cycle continues until it is broken. If a sexual component is part of the abuse, the woman will be the sexual “diva” until she has a need. But if she shuts down she will feel something is wrong with her and she will work to open back up again.

The effects this has are numerous. You will start to forget who you are, what you feel, what are your thoughts, needs, and feelings. There will be feelings of loss and strong euphoric experiences followed by deep depression and/or rage. You will feel a need to prove yourself and lead a “pure life”. This will always lead to a strong desire to “help others” and place others on the pedestal too. This is why spiritually abused people perpetrate by becoming charismatic leaders. They do not know they want to get out or how to heal.

The first step to healing from spiritual abuse is to find out what you are avoiding healing for yourself through the distraction of the community or institution. Get into counseling for support and find spiritual work that is designed to lead you to yourself, i.e. your intuition, your feelings, your purpose. Find what makes you shine. Seek out calmness and gentle touch.

Shoshana Des Chenes, Sacred Feminine Program and Priestess Works


Sacred Feminine Blog

May Blog | Women’s Work

Women’s Work

Women’s work is about identifying the convoluted emotions women project on people.

In a women’s circle, these emotions usually will go unchallenged or will be denied a clear listening.

A clear listening comes from a leader who knows the emotional depth women have. Because this is largely misunderstood, leaders will either lead women through men’s work, or through a morass of emotional clustering doing nothing except perpetuating emotional wounding and victimhood.

I am a leader in women’s work. I have worked with women between the ages of 15 to 75. All women need emotional clearing, balancing and straightening to change the pattern of using their emotions to dominate, manipulate and distort responsibility.

Here are a few guidelines to know:

Women’s integrity is defined as... aligning the higher self with inner intention with the deed. This is the higher will or higher self connected to personal truth. Words and actions guided by the higher self. All parts of the being aligned, intentions words and actions guided by purpose. This is an art and takes training, guidance and teaching to attain. Because so much has to do with integrity, it is important to see how a woman’s integrity works. It is not just honoring word, it is knowing what to honor, saying it and living it.

Women’s ability to be effective in the world germinates from their intuition. Not the type of intuition known as feeling, but rather a deep practice developed through guidance teachings and dedication to knowing truth from programmed belief. This is difficult to attain. Women leading women in listening to body feelings and subtle feeling should stop. It is like giving someone a scalpel after a two week class and telling them to cut, “go on you can perform surgery, its natural, your guidance will show you the way”. This is wrong. Intuition is an art, an art that leads to mastering effectiveness and life purpose.

Women when healed can love deeply without entanglement. Mastering relationship begins with honoring boundaries, both personal ones and others. Boundaries must be communicated. Most women believe love is giving one’s self over to their partner by loving unconditionally or by giving something to them. But nothing comes for free. Women do this knowing that they are setting up their loved one to “give back”. This is disappointing when the woman does not get back what she gave. This is manipulation, a way to receive from their partner. Be suspicious, notice this impulse to give and try to see where you stopped caring for yourself and began to need something from your partner and then began to give to get what you need.

Women take energy. Unless a women is connected to her own life source, she will try to get it from others. Women can be draining, needy and depleted. Women leading women’s work need to teach women to connect to their own life force for energy. This is a foundational practice but difficult to do in a group. Women have a way of making the group the “source” of energy. So, they love the women’s group but their life still is blocked. If you really want to help a woman, have her begin to locate her independent connection to life source while learning to be in a group. This will challenge a women’s need to be interdependent, care take or hooking into others. Groups are amazing places to bring women into connection with themselves but not as a crutch.

Lastly as written on the opening statement of this page: Women’s work is about identifying the convoluted emotions women project on people. Sometimes it is difficult to know emotions from intuition, if the emotions are balanced this changes dramatically. Intuition is pure knowing, emotions can be convoluted with needs, traumas and desires. A projection is a way to see the internal displayed on the external. A person, situation or environment can reflect back to the projector some hidden belief inconsistent with personal truth. The hidden belief is frightening, so when viewed externally in a reflection, the women will dislike what they see. Yet, it is simply reflecting for her what she has yet to accept about herself. This is healing. Teaching women to identify what is a reflection and what are boundaries that need to be communicated is the key to female empowerment, healthy relations and a life lived from truth.

Congratulations for taking another step into your dream of being a fully embodied woman! Or, a man who knows the feminine nature!

Shoshana Ananda, Sacred Feminine Program leader